| Watchman, Watchman
(Based Isaiah 21:11-12) Watchman, watchman,
What remains of the night?
Will it be hours
Until I see the light? Watchman, watchman,
Does the moon rule day?
Does the sun sleep forever
Or will it awake? Watchman, watchman
How many times must I ask
Till you tell how long
This darkness will last? It's funny...Xanga is my homepage, the thing I look at every time I get on the internet, and I haven't posted in...almost a month? I have been occasionally skimming through your various entries, but rarely taking the time to post comments on them. What have I been doing? Well, a good bit of my time has been going toward working 40+ hours a week at the Cross Lanes Wendy's...speaking of which, they're hiring like crazy, offering all sorts of incentives - $200 signing bonus and, in you have former fast food experience, $6.75 an hour, I believe. I'm certaintly going to Marshall now, in the Honors program, getting enough scholarship that I think they're paying me to go now, hoping to get into Willis, the Honors dorm, instead of the East Tower, located in Mordor, and enemy of any attempt at the betterment of man. Oh - wait, wrong tower, Towers East, located in Huntington, and enemy of any attempt at the betterment of man. Oh, I have a shot at an additional $1000 for and essay I wrote. Hooray! Hmmm... Oh, on MySpace, I started a band page, Blue Incorporated, if you haven't seen it yet (search my top eight for its location). There's a new song up, Project Reanimation (Parts 1 and 2). Check it out. Hmmm... Playlist Time! My Life 1. "Prelude/Angry Young Man" by Billy Joel
2. "Freakshow" by The Gothic Archies
3. "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance
4. "The Prophet" by Michael Card
- These first four deal with the feelings I've had throughout my life of cheerful, willing, and self-righteous separation. I've always been (at least in my own little world) a man on a mission, an oddball, missunderstood, and the only one who understands. A few favorite quotes:
*"And there's a place for the angry young man / with his fist in the air and his head in his hand / and he's never been able to learn from mistakes / so he can't understand why his heart always breaks"
*"People gawk at the way you walk, you're a freakshow / People squawk at the way you talk, you're a freakshow / People stare at your scary hair, you're a freakshow / People glare at that hat you wear, you're a freakshow...Real people fume and seeth / How you dare to share the air the public has to breathe/"
[I have personally been criticized for my gait, my style of speech, my copius fur (nickname: Yeti), and my fedora]
*"They're gonna clean up your looks / with all the lies in the books / to make a citizen out of you...they're gonna give you a smirk, 'cause they got methods of keeping you clean / They're gonna rip off your heads / Your aspirations to shreds / another cog in the murder machine."
*"I am the prophet, and I smoulder and burn / I scream and cry and wonder why you never seem to learn / to hear with your own ears, with your own eyes to see / I am the prophet, won't you listen to me."
5. "Jack's Lament" by Danny Elfman
6. "Mr. Rogers (Neighborhood)" by The Redding Brothers
7. "Chrome" by VNV Nation
8. "I Disappear" by The Faint
9. "VI. Solitary Shell" by Dream Theater
10. "Cast No Shadow" by Oasis
11. "Holding On" by VNV Nation
12. "Hello" by Evanescence
-The problem is, when your entire life is built around keeping other people out, you tend to go at least a little crazy. Fuck that, you go insane - which is what I am. Dissociative Identity Disorder; look it up. I'm (we're?) split up into four distinct parts: Blue, Black, Red, and Green. But that's besides the point. The point is, I've spent most of my life preventing anyone from getting to know me and ignoring attempts to bond with others, and occasionally I realize it's a bad thing.
*"But who here would ever understand / That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin / Would tire of his crown, if they only understood / He'd give it all up if he only could / Oh, there's an empty place in my bones / That calls out for something unknown / The fame and praise come year after year / Does nothing for these empty tears."
*"Girl I just don't want to be lonely anymore / crawl inside my head again / 'cause if it's a bad day no one will see me / slipping off to make-believe land / 'cause it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood / would you be, could you be / 'cause it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood / would you be, could you be my neighbor...No one else notices me today / my imaginary friends, they'll still care / but I just want to reach out and touch someone / just to know you're really there."
*"A million faces each a million lies / for each and all, a chrome disguise...if I could change your mind / i wouldn't save you from the path you wander / in desperation dreams any soul can set you free... resort to shadows till your body expires / all creation has the promise of heaven / and still you travel the road to hell / i'm saying nothing for the good of myself / but I'm still talking and you're not listening / as night descends upon the city / the streets are cold, the lights go by / and in the stories of the people / a million faces, a million lies / they'll never say they feel what you feel / that they can see the world you see / and in their faces, their expressions / a million faces, a million lies."
*"I disappear / I lost control / My body's moving / all on it's own / I watch myself, / Walk away, / A foreign spirit,
took my place. / An empty stare, / its eyes are dull, / So my essence, it's riding my pulse. / A Burst of black, / A Breath of smoke. / I disappeared, / I lost control./ I / I disappear / How could I resist, / It's all I've wanted / now I guess I've got it. / Why it happened, I don't know, / Hope this doesn't last forever./ I, disappear
*"He seemed no different from the rest / Just a healthy normal boy / His mama always did her best / And he was daddy's pride and joy / He learned to walk and talk on time / But never cared much to be held / and steadily he would decline / Into his solitary shell / As a boy he was considered somewhat odd / Kept to himself most of the time / He would daydream in and out of his own world / but in every other way he was fine / He struggled to get through his day / He was helplessly behind / He poured himself onto the page / Writing for hours at a time / As a man he was a danger to himself / Fearful and sad most of the time / He was drifting in and out of sanity / But in every other way he was fine / He's a Monday morning lunatic / Disturbed from time to time / Lost within himself
In his solitary shell / A momentary maniac / With casual delusions / When will he be let out / Of his solitary shell."
*"Here's a thought for every man who tries to understand / What is in his hands / He walks along the open road of love and life / suriviving if he can / Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say / Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay / Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say / As he faced the sun, he cast no shadow."
*"And one day I woke to find the future had no place for me / I was unwanted in a world that with my hands I'd helped build / where once was honesty and pride I now stand broken and alone / just a shadow of what I was meant to be / Does anybody feel the way I do? / Is there anybody out there? / Are you hearing me? / If I believe in you, will you believe in me? / Or am I alone in this hall of dreams?.../they say that time will heal, the truth shall set us free / well that depends on what it is that you choose to believe / In this prison made of lies / We see what it is we want to see / And find comfort in this broken hall of dreams.../I'll believe in you if you believe in me
but I have no trust in anything / somehow I'm always, always falling over me."
*"Playground school bell rings again / Rain clouds come to play again / Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I am your mind giving you someone to talk to / Hello / If I smile and don't believe / Soon I know I'll wake from this dream / Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken / Hello, I am the lie living for you so you can hide / Don't cry / Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping / Hello I'm still here / All that's left of yesterday."
13. "A Bowl of Oranges" by Bright Eyes
14. "Jefferson Aeroplane (edit)" by Reliant K
15. "Anything" by Mae
-Three songs about change and restoration, and ones I relate to change and restoration in my own life.
*"The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. / There was a loophole in my dreaming, / so I got out of it. / And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. /Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been./ So I dressed myself and left them, out into the gray streets. / But everything seemed different and completely new to me. / The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. / And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. / and I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. / I said "there is nothing that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself." / He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." / So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. / He said, "I think I'm cured. / In fact, I'm sure of it. / Thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile."/ So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. / And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. / But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself, it is best to compose a poem, / an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope./ That is why I'm singing, baby don't worry / cause now I got your back. / And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. / And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass / and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. / And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve / of Love's uneven remainder, our lives are fractions of a whole. / But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall. / Then I think we would see the beauty then. / We would stand staring in awe / at our still lives posed / like a bowl of oranges, / like a story told / by the fault lines and the soil."
*"But when it's colder, I feel much better / When I cry on my own shoulder, just throw on a sweater and go / And I'll go, to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood / and my ego / the status quo provides me with a decent attitude / and I'll go, to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes / and when I'm home, I think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window."
*"Every now and again sometimes I get caught on the winds of a dream / the air gets clean and the seas get white and I can do anything / The pain, it won't even cross my mind / there is wonder in everything / The rope gets lose and the chains unbind and I can do anything."
16. "Maddening Shroud" by Frou Frou
17. "Crooked Deep Down" by Derek Webb
-A song about being fed up with masks and a song of confession
*"Sometimes I like to get away from this maddening shroud / Sometimes I'll have you know, it's all insane / Maybe it's time for me to pack it in / Maybe it's time for me to jack it in / Maybe it's time for me to throw... / Oh, I've got a good mind to throw it all away /Throw it all away /Throw it all away /After all, what is it worth?"
*"My life looks good I do confess / You can ask anyone / Just dont ask my real good friends / Cause they might tell the truth / But "it's nothing they could prove" / Cause there are things you would not believe / That travel into my mind / I swear I try and capture them / But I always set them free / It seems bad things comfort me 'cause / Good lord I'm crooked deep down / Everyone is crooked deep down / Good lord I'm crooked deep down / Everyone is crooked deep down."
18. "Man in Black" by Johnny Cash
-A song about revised motives.
*"Well, you wonder why I always dress in black, / Why you never see bright colors on my back, / And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone. / Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on... / Well, there's things that never will be right I know, / And things need changin' everywhere you go, / But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right, / You'll never see me wear a suit of white. / Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day, / And tell the world that everything's OK, / But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,/ 'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black."
19. "Sullen Girl" by Fiona Apple
-Yes, I have repeatedly been called sullen. Yes, I have repeatedly been called a girl. Yes, I have been called a sullen girl.
"Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself / All day and all night / I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath / I say to myself / I need fuel to take flight / And there's too much going on / But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion / Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion / Is that why they call me a sullen girl, sullen girl? / They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea / But he washed me shore and he took my pearl /And left an empty shell of me / And there's too much going on / But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion / Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion / Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion / It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion That was a lot longer than I planned on. In both physical length and time taken to complete... -LSmaug PS: the world is growing loud. |
